I’m convinced one of the most underrated comedic and intelligent minds of our times is Adam Carolla.
Seriously. Sure, The Man Show was a horrible, misogynistic program, and Crank Yankers was just…terrible, but anyone who spent their seminal teenage years listening to Loveline, or currently listens to his solo radio show (which you can podcast, as I talked about here), knows he’s one of the most stableminded, and intriguing public figures going in entertainment…albet with kind of a rough exterior.
Anywho, one of my favorite bits of his over the years was his list of things to do before he died…
I’ve now decided these shall be my goals as well.
Here’s what this map of my future looks like…
- Have to reach up and put my hand over my girlfriend’s/wife’s mouth from screaming when an enemy is nearby and then put up a ‘Shhh’ finger to her mouth to quiet her
- Get thrown airborne out of a bar or some sort of establishment
- Dive into a body of water with a knife clenched in my teeth
- Have a skateboard move named after me
- To walk on stage and have someone remove a cape from me
- Have my hands registered as a weapon in a state
- Have some part of my body insured
- Be kicked out of a casino for winning too much
- Receive a large cardboard check
- Save someone from quicksand
- Do the ‘fist-stop-hold-up’ move, then do the two-fingers-in-the-eye move for ‘watch!’ then do the ‘move out’ hand signal, all silently
- Travel in a building’s air vents.
- Shoot someone in order to save their life.
- Receive a novelty size ‘key to the city’
- Have a girl threaten to kill herself after I break up with her
- Point to a watch underwater
- Have someone successfully start a slow clap for me
- Thwart an ex’s wedding
- Stop a crime by throwing something at the criminal, thus knocking him/her out as they attempt to flee
- Clothesline a person on a motorcycle, watch the bike careen out of control, then take the bike and peel out
- Make the proclamation, “Release the hounds!”
- Have a wealthy father try to persuade me not ever see his daughter again by offering me a large sum of money
LET’S DO THIS WORLD!