Thanks Science! NEW KETCHUP PACKETS!
It’s an amazing world we live in, full of stunning technological advancements.
Sure, we haven’t cured AIDS, Cancer or the common cold, or even figured out how to properly dispose of 3 feet of snow (no, not bitter), but we’ve finally solved one of the problems which I’ve never known was one – THE KETCHUP PACKET!
Coming soon to a restaurant near you is the latest innovation from the fine folks at Heinz, a brand new Ketchup packet, which not only holds more ketchup than the standard foil packet, but also allows you to both dip or squeeze the ketchup from two separate openings!
These packets should start to get rolled out by the Summer, with a full roll out in the fall. What a magical world we live in.
Next From George Lucas – A MUSICAL!
In this post Avatar world, you had to know that George Lucas wasn’t going to stay dormant for long.
And he’s raring back, determined to take back Lucasfilm’s crown as the king of the CGI action adventure film with -
*re-reads story*
a….a CGI musical? About fairies?!
What the HELL, George?!
Not much is really known about the project, aside from it’s being directed by Kevin Monroe (TMNT) and written by the man who wrote Elf – but seriously, what in the Sam Hill is this all about?
Stay tuned to Blast-O-Rama for my eventual fanboyish devotion, love, and positive review of the Untitled George Lucas Fairy Musical as it rushes towards breaking the worldwide cinema box office record.
Now On My Shitlist: Roland Emmerich.
It takes a lot for me to want to make a filmmaker to go away and die.
The latest to enter that very short list, Roland Emmerich.
Sure, I like a lot of people, enjoyed Independence Day. It was a fun, escapist Fourth of July flick. I even liked Stargate!
But since then, oh how his filmography just wore through my patience.
Godzilla. The Patriot. The Day After Tomorrow. 10,000 BC. And now the sure to be bad 2012, along with the possible 2013 TV series which has the bile touching the back of my throat.
So of course, he’ll now want to ruin the main thing of his I liked.
As he wants to do an Independence Day sequel. Wait, no, two of them. Because lord knows, we can’t NOT have at trilogy.
And the tiles for these sequels?
ID4-Ever Part I & II.
I’m gonna puke. Happy weekend folks.
Original Post: Roland Emmerich Planning Not One, But Two Independence Day Sequels – Independence Day – io9.
The Seth Macfarlane Code: DECRYPTED
I like Seth MacFarlane a lot. Dude seems like a great guy, seems to be having the time of his life, and despite what his cartoons may make you believe, he comes across as a super intelligent guy.
Heck, even during an episode of the Adam Carolla Podcast, I realized – he and I may not be that different mentally. We have a lot of the same flaws, we have a lot of the same barriers.
And hey, I still find myself watching Family Guy/The Cleveland Show/American Dad. Sure, none of those shows are really ever going to win an award for their writing, but even with their not so great hit/miss ratio, when one of those shows hit for me, it’s out of the park.
So, when I watch the above video, the humor for me is in two places.
First, CollegeHumor nailed the MacFarlane tropes to the freaking wall.
Second, it’s not really his fault. If Fox offered you $100 million to basically do the same show for 90 minutes a week – wouldn’t you take it?
Maybe that’s why Seth always looks so god damn jolly.
Posted: November 12th, 2009
at 9:36am by Marty Day
Categories: across the net, cynicism, tv
Comments: No comments
An Extended Look At The Lost Art Of Movie Posters
Note: In the interest of growing my “personal brand” here at BoR, I’m going to be investing in some more lengthy thought pieces on the site, which will be joined with the “Cynicism” tag. This is the first of such posts, and presumably/hopefully won’t be the last. Let me know what you think in the comments.
As you’ve probably noticed over time here at Blast-O-Rama, there is very little I enjoy more than a well crafted, beautifully executed movie poster.
However, it seems as the years have gone on, the focus is less on giving the audience a taste of what’s to come, and more a generic collage of actors in costume, which makes you hope that the movie turns out well.
Case in point…this latest poster for Sherlock Holmes. By no means offensive visually, what does it tell you about the film? Aside from Downey’s devious smirk, it’s another prime example of names and faces selling the picture, versus the poster giving an audience a glimpse of what will hit the screen this Christmas. I’d figure with a director as unique as Guy Ritchie helming the flick, you’d want to put style at the forefront, but alas…
And that isn’t to say there aren’t risks being taken. Take a look at the Where The Wild Things Are poster above. Gritty, childlike…there’s a roughness to it which immediately pulls forward what Spike Jonze is attempting to do with the film. It’s a snapshot which leaves the viewer interested in the end product.
But I can’t shake the feeling that the marketing suits just want us to throw our $10 at something which has been seen before…which certainly explains the disturbing trend in repetitive poster designs and DVD covers.
What really bothers me about it though? It doesn’t need to be this way. Heck, you only need to look at the fantastic poster designs of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s to know how much better it could be.
Luckily, amazing artists (many times alongside promotional events put on by independent movie houses) are still creating stunning posters for films. Effectively joining their art with existing art, these posters not only invoke the films they derive their inspiration from, but create a unique product that fans of the film and of art alike would want to hang on their wall.
Take this Halloween triptych put together for the Horror movie series appearing at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, TX. (Shown above, click for larger images.), or this fantastic Fight Club poster (below), which is a design so strong they decided to make both prints and t-shirts of it.
I guess what I’m getting at is this…in an era where studios are claiming how much money they’re losing in different revenue streams, why don’t they look at a great way to build the brand of their projects, extend the art from not just what appears on the silver screen, but what instead we can have framed and mounted on our walls. These limited edition posters can go for as much as $30-$50 a piece, and are undoubtedly worth every penny.
I’m tired of seeing floating heads promote what I’m going to be seeing next Friday. Let art beget art, and let it be good.
Really, VEGGIETALES?
Sorry for the hold up in posts. Between recovery from Super Art Fight 5 and other things going on, I had been particularly busy.
Now that I’m officially ranked as an “award nominated” blogger, I thought it’d would be appropriate to return with a post that best holds my strengths.
So, everyone’s familiar with the popular Christian values pushing CGI series VeggieTales, right?
Seems they decided to make a cookie cutter of the main heroes, Bob & Larry, seen above.
Of course, they probably should’ve rethought the shape. Turn that sucker sideways and…
heh heh. dinger.
So remember, next time your bachelorette party needs some ultra classy cock cookies, look to the Christian values of VeggieTales!
Original Post: Awesome: Ok, Someone Should Have Thought This VeggieTales Cookie Cutter Through.
Posted: October 15th, 2009
at 8:46am by Marty Day
Categories: across the net, cynicism
Comments: No comments
SURROGATES: Or, What The HELL Was That?!
Once again, in full discretion, the passes for Surrogates were provided to me by the fine staff at b.
How can a great concept go so wrong?
On paper, it sounds super intriguing. In a society where humankind has become complacent with using robot surrogates to fufill all aspects of their lives, while they themselves control said robots from home, what happens when the first murder in years occurs, and it’s the son of the man who created these “Surrogates?” Add the cherry on top of a very bankable star in Bruce Willis, it should be an out-of-the-park home run.
Unfortunately for Willis and Disney (who produced the film under their Touchstone Pictures imprint), Surrogates is anything but. It’s a muddied mess of a film, with plotlines picked up, dropped, ignored, as the audience slowly rolls to the finish line, it what is possibly the most irritating 90 minutes to hit screens in some time.
Actually, I take that back…there have been worse films. But none of them had the potential that Surrogates did.
Look at the interesting plotlines used up and pissed away during the movie.
-A frank look at a relationship where a wife is committed to her timeless body, as her husband, who uses a surrogate for his day job, wants nothing more than to enjoy life and old age with her. Sure, we get about 20 minutes of the setup, but they never actually address the issues in the relationship, giving Willis a scene that could’ve been heartbreaking, if we were made to give a damn.
-A battle between the society which uses surrogates, and the “Dreads”, a group of naturalist humans, dedicated to living without technology. That would’ve been amazing, but then they had to go and make their leader, named (I kid you not) “The Prophet.” It’s a shame he never gets to explain what exactly he’s prophesying, as you know, that’d be some DEPTH to the flick. Luckily, this gets muddied up in the climax, with a reveal that serves only to shock, as it ultimately makes the plot fall into itself.
-A story of conspiracy within VSI, the creators of the Surrogates. Again, a plotline that is mentioned, hinted at, and ignored as it gets in the way of the “action packed” ending.
-A tale of the ultimate weapon, which with one blast not only fries the circuitry of a Surrogate, but also kills the human controlling on the other site. This is what the movie builds around, but I ultimately struggle to find the drama, as the damn gun looks like a dollar store shop vac with a plastic planter glued to the front. I guess all the effects budget had to go towards airbrushing Willis’ face with CG when he’s in robot-mode?
Hell, even the acting is inconsistent, with some actors going “full robot” with odd walking patterns, no emotion and no blinking, while some start to use those rules and ignore them during their dialogue. Where the FUCK was the direction on this thing? And before I forget, can we hire someone other than James Cromwell to play the inventor of some sort of technology?
You know, part of me walked out of this film wanting the movie to have been longer, to get the depth each of the above plot threads needed. But now that I think about it, I wouldn’t have trusted them to not screw that up too.
Sorry Bruce, I wanted to dig Surrogates, but it’s just terrible. Don’t waste your money or time.
Et Tu, Dwayne?! ET TU!
Hey, did I ever tell you about the surreal fever dream I had, about The Rock starring in a movie as a hockey player who routinely knocks people’s teeth out, and then he gets forced to become a Tooth Fairy?
Yeah, it was some weird stuff. This is why I’m not allowed to write when I’m on NyQuil.
So what’s going on today in the movies on the web, eh?
New Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson movie? How iron–
OH SWEET GOD IT WASN’T A FEVER DREAM IT WAS A DARK NIGHTMARE
Seriously though, I know the family movies are easy money, but why hasn’t someone put The Rock in a real comedy or action movie with balls? Dude has skills. Hate to see them wasted in pap like this.
Tooth Fairy stinks up cinemas on January 22, 2010.
Original Post: I’ll Bet You Can’t Guess What Tooth Fairy Is About | Best Week Ever.
It’s A Beautiful Day to Die: KFC’s Double Down Sandwich
Part of me wants to believe this is a cruel joke. That, or the universe has decided to give Patton Oswalt new material, given that his new album My Weakness is Strong! releases on Tuesday.
Either way, this is PROOF that KFC is attempting to murder us all, after that wussy Kentucky Grilled Chicken cop-out.
That glorious “sandwich” above is called the KFC Double Down. I put sandwich in quotes, as it doesn’t use bread, OH NO! TOO EASY!
If anything, it’s a bacon, cheese and Colonel’s Sauce sandwich, where instead of bread…it’s TWO FRIED CHICKEN FILETS. WHAT THE HELL.
Thus far, it only seems to be available in certain markets, but KFC is totally giving it the full marketing push, with commercials airing on local television (seen below).
KFC, you tried to kill me with the Famous Bowl, but by GOD, I will not let you kill me this way!
…but I do want to try one anyway.
Original Post: Epic: KFC Has A Bacon Sandwich That Uses Fried Chicken As “Bread”.
Oh, Fuck You MTV – TEEN WOLF THE SERIES
Read that headline.
A few times.
MTV has greenlit a television adaptation of TEEN FUCKING WOLF.
TEEN WOLF. The 20 year old movie, Teen Wolf.
The Michael J. Fox/Jason Bateman (depending on which one) starring film series, that was a joke then, and has only grown as a joke as the years have gone on.
MT-fucking-V has decided that is a great television program to move forward with.
And check out this sweet quote!
MTV is also pondering a reinvention of ’80s film “Teen Wolf” in series format, with a greater emphasis on romance, horror and werewolf mythology.
OF COURSE, BECAUSE WHAT THE SILLY TEENAGE WEREWOLF SERIES NEEDS IS TO TAKE HORROR AND MYTHOLOGY SERIOUSLY.
I hate Hollywood, for as much as I love it.
Original Post: MTV greenlights eight projects – Entertainment News, TV News, Media – Variety.
